Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship You Shouldn't Ignore

Introduction

Every relationship has difficult moments. You may disagree, hurt each other’s feelings, or go through periods when communication feels harder than usual. Conflict by itself does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with your relationship.

What matters is the pattern. When negative communication, disrespect, withdrawal, control, or fear become recurring parts of the relationship, they deserve attention. Research has found a close connection between negative communication and lower relationship satisfaction, while healthy relationship skills include respect, empathy, communication, and constructive conflict management (Johnson et al., 2022).

Recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship can help you better understand what you are experiencing and decide whether something needs to change.

What Makes a Relationship Unhealthy

Healthy relationships do not require perfect communication or a complete absence of conflict. But skills such as mutual respect, empathy, communication, emotional regulation, and the ability to manage disagreements constructively can make a huge difference (Niolon et al., 2023).

An unhealthy dating relationship may begin to feel different when negative patterns consistently take over. Maybe conversations regularly become hostile, one person repeatedly withdraws, or you no longer feel respected when you disagree.

Some behaviors go beyond general relationship difficulties. The CDC identifies physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression, including coercive tactics, as forms of intimate partner violence. Psychological aggression can include behavior intended to emotionally harm or control a partner (Niolon et al., 2023).

These are all relationship red flags that are important to be aware of.

Common Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

When you’re deep in a relationship, it can be difficult to recognize when certain patterns have become unhealthy. Behaviors that once seemed minor may start to feel normal over time, even when they are affecting your trust, communication, or emotional well-being. Below are some, but not all, common signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Negative Communication Becomes the Norm

Communication can tell you a lot about the health of a relationship.

While communication and relationship satisfaction do influence one another in complex ways, research has suggested that less negative communication is linked with greater relationship satisfaction (Johnson et al., 2022). In other words, how you communicate with your partner can have a meaningful impact on how the relationship feels overall.

Unhealthy communication might involve frequent hostility, dismissing one another,

escalating disagreements, or struggling to discuss important issues without the interaction becoming negative.

A difficult conversation every once in a while is expected. It becomes more concerning when negative communication feels like the usual way you interact.

One or Both Partners Regularly Withdraw

During difficult conversations, one partner may shut down, avoid the topic, or stop engaging altogether. When this happens regularly, important concerns can go unresolved, and communication may start to feel one-sided (Niolon et al., 2023).

You may notice that certain topics are repeatedly avoided, conversations end before anything is resolved, or attempts to address a problem lead to silence or emotional distance.

Disrespect or Humiliation Is Common

Respect is a basic part of a healthy relationship. Mutually respectful and caring relationships are an important foundation for healthy relationship development (Niolon et al., 2023).

Repeated humiliation, insults, or behavior intended to emotionally harm a partner should be taken seriously.

Humiliating and controlling behaviors are a form of psychological aggression, which can be a form of intimate partner violence (Niolon et al., 2023).

Pay attention to whether disagreements stay focused on the issue or regularly turn into attacks on you as a person.

One Partner Tries to Control the Other

Control is one of the more serious relationship red flags.

Psychological aggression can involve attempts to exert control over a romantic partner, and coercive tactics may occur both in person and electronically (Niolon et al., 2023).

A relationship should allow room for both people to maintain their individuality and make choices without intimidation or coercion. If you increasingly feel that you have to change your behavior to avoid your partner’s reaction, it is worth paying attention to that pattern.

Furthermore, if you feel like you are losing parts of yourself—your interests, relationships, preferences, or independence—to keep the relationship going, that can also be a sign that something is off.

You Feel Afraid or Unsafe

Feeling afraid of your partner is different from simply feeling nervous about having a difficult conversation.

Intimate partner violence can include physical or sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression. Survivors may experience fear, safety concerns, and significant effects on their physical and mental health (Niolon et al., 2023).

If a relationship involves violence, coercion, stalking, or fear for your safety, the situation requires a different response than an ordinary communication problem.

Healthy Conflict vs. Unhealthy Patterns

Conflict happens in healthy relationships too. When thinking about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, useful question is how the two of you handle disagreements.

Healthy conflict leaves room for respect, empathy, communication, and problem-solving. Unhealthy conflict may involve persistent hostility, emotional harm, withdrawal, or attempts to control the other person. 

Rather than focusing on whether you ever argue, look at what usually happens during and after those arguments. Are concerns heard? Can you discuss the issue without humiliation or fear? Do both people have room to express themselves?

Questions to Ask Yourself

If you are unsure whether you are noticing normal relationship stress or more concerning unhealthy relationship signs, consider asking yourself:

• Do I generally feel respected when we disagree?

• Can I express concerns without feeling afraid of my partner’s response?

• Are difficult conversations possible, or does someone regularly become hostile or withdraw?

• Do I feel pressured, controlled, or intimidated?

• Is there room for both of us to communicate our needs?

• Do the same negative interactions keep affecting how I feel about the relationship?

You do not need to check every box for a concern to be worth discussing.

Can an Unhealthy Relationship Become Healthier?

Sometimes, unhealthy relationship patterns can improve, especially when both partners are willing to recognize the problem and work toward change.

That may involve communicating more openly, taking responsibility for harmful patterns, rebuilding trust, and learning healthier ways to manage conflict. Couples therapy can also provide a structured space to better understand recurring problems and practice new ways of relating to one another.

Research on couples therapy more broadly suggests that it can improve important areas of relationship functioning for distressed couples.

However, both partners need to be willing to participate in the process. If a relationship involves violence, coercion, or fear for your safety, personal safety and individual support should take priority over couples therapy (Niolon et al., 2023).

When Therapy May Help

Therapy for relational problems may be helpful when communication keeps breaking down, conflict feels difficult to manage, trust has been damaged, or the same problems continue to come up.

The therapists at Upper East Side Psychology can help you explore and improve communication patterns, rebuild trust, and enhance emotional connections.

Individual therapy can also be useful if you want space to better understand your own needs, boundaries, reactions, or recurring relationship patterns—especially if you are unsure what you want to do next.

Q&A

How do I know if a relationship is unhealthy?

Recurring negative communication, hostility, withdrawal, humiliation, controlling behavior, and feeling afraid or unsafe can all signal that a relationship deserves closer attention.

Is arguing a red flag of an unhealthy relationship?

Not necessarily. Disagreement happens in relationships. Pay attention to how conflict is handled, including whether there is respect, communication, emotional regulation, and an ability to manage disagreements without aggression or control.

Can an unhealthy relationship improve?

Sometimes. Unhealthy patterns can improve when both partners are willing to recognize the problem, take responsibility, and work toward change. Couples therapy can also help partners address ongoing conflict, communication difficulties, and relationship distress.

When should I seek therapy for relationship concerns?

Therapy may be helpful when relationship difficulties are causing ongoing distress, the same problems keep coming up, or communication and conflict feel difficult to manage on your own. If violence, coercion, or fear for your safety is present, individual support and personal safety should take priority over couples therapy.

Final Thoughts

Learning to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship can make it easier to understand patterns that may otherwise become familiar over time. Healthy relationships still include disagreement and frustration, but respect, communication, and emotional safety should remain part of the relationship.

If negative patterns are becoming difficult to change, support can help you understand what is happening and consider your next steps. The clinicians at Upper East Side Psychology can help navigate communication difficulties, recurring conflict, emotional disconnection, and other relationship concerns.

Whether you want to strengthen a current relationship or better understand patterns that continue to show up in your relationships, therapy can provide a supportive place to explore them.

Schedule your free 15-minute consultation today:

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References

Johnson, M. D., Lavner, J. A., Mund, M., et al. (2022). Within-couple associations between communication and relationship satisfaction over time. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 48(4), 534–549. doi:10.1177/01461672211016920.

Niolon, P. H., Kearns, M., Dills, J., et al. (2023). Intimate Partner Violence Prevention Resource for Action: A Compilation of the Best Available Evidence. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.