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You’ve got a deadline coming up. The pressure is mounting. You feel overwhelmed, unsure where to even begin. So instead of diving in, you find yourself doing anything but  the task—scrolling your phone, organizing your kitchen drawer, rewatching a show you’ve already seen. You know you’re avoiding the task, and the relief you get from putting it off is short-lived. Soon enough, the anxiety creeps back in—stronger than before. If this sounds familiar, you’re far from alone. At Upper East Side Psychology , we work with many clients who feel trapped in this loop of anxiety and procrastination. It’s not a sign of laziness or a personal failing. It’s a learned response your brain has developed to cope with stress—and it’s something you can absolutely change. What Is the Anxiety–Procrastination Cycle? This cycle is a self-reinforcing loop that can be hard to break. It often goes like this: You feel anxious about a task—it feels overwhelming, unclear, or high stakes. You avoid the task to get temporary relief from that discomfort. That short-term relief teaches your brain that avoidance “works.” The task still needs to get done, so the anxiety returns—now with added guilt. You feel worse, and your motivation drops even more. The longer this pattern continues, the more it chips away at your confidence and increases your stress. Over time, procrastination can start to feel like your default setting, even when you want to change. Why Anxiety and Procrastination Often Show Up Together Procrastination usually isn’t about being lazy. It’s a way of avoiding difficult emotions—fear, uncertainty, shame, self-doubt, or the pressure to be perfect. Your brain treats these emotions as threats, and avoidance is its way of escaping them, even if just for a little while. Some common emotional drivers behind procrastination include: Fear of failure:   What if I mess up or disappoint someone? Perfectionism: If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother starting? Imposter syndrome:   I’m not really capable of doing this. Decision paralysis:   What if I make the wrong choice? Avoiding the task might ease the anxiety for a moment—but the longer you avoid, the bigger and scarier the task starts to feel. How Therapy Can Help You Break the Cycle You don’t have to stay stuck in this pattern. Therapy can help you understand why it’s happening—and more importantly, how to change it. 1. Identify What’s Behind the Avoidance Therapy helps you explore what’s really fueling the procrastination. Are you afraid of judgment? Struggling with executive functioning? Feeling overwhelmed by perfectionism or past experiences? Once you understand the emotional drivers, you can start addressing them directly. Insight is the first step toward change. 2. Challenge the Unhelpful Thoughts One of the most effective approaches we use is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It helps you recognize thoughts that keep you stuck, such as: I’ll never finish this. If I can’t do it perfectly, it’s not worth starting. I only work well under pressure. In therapy, we work with you to replace these with thoughts that are more realistic and encouraging—so the task feels less overwhelming and more manageable. 3. Learn to Take Imperfect Action Waiting for motivation to strike often leads to more waiting. In reality, action is what creates motivation. Therapy can help shift your focus from “finishing everything” to just taking the first small step. Here are some helpful strategies: Set a 2-minute timer and just start Aim for “good enough,” not perfect Recognize and reward effort, not just outcomes Small, imperfect action is often what breaks the cycle. 4. Build Better Systems to Support Your Brain If you have trouble getting started, organizing your time, or following through, you might benefit from building external tools and structure. Therapy can help you create systems that match how your brain works. These tools might include: Time blocking Task chunking (breaking tasks into steps) Visual schedules or reminders Accountability check-ins This kind of structure is especially helpful if you’re managing ADHD, anxiety, or burnout. 5. Shift from Shame to Self-Compassion A lot of people respond to procrastination by beating themselves up. But shame only makes the cycle worse. When you’re stuck, what you need isn’t more pressure—it’s support and self-kindness. Therapy helps you build a more compassionate inner voice. And that kind voice is actually more effective at helping you move forward, even when you’re struggling. What You Can Try Right Now If you’re caught in the anxiety–procrastination cycle, here are a few small ways to start breaking it: Pick one tiny task and do it badly, but completely Name the emotion you’re avoiding—fear, shame, uncertainty? Write down one belief you have about the task, and challenge it Break the task into steps, and celebrate each one Remind yourself: avoidance makes anxiety worse, not better You’re Not Broken. You’re Overwhelmed—and That’s Treatable Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’re lazy, disorganized, or unmotivated. It means your brain is trying to cope with stress in the best way it knows how. And with the right tools, support, and guidance, you can learn a better way forward. You’re capable of building habits that support your goals, not sabotage them. And you don’t have to do it alone. Ready to Get Unstuck? At Upper East Side Psychology , we specialize in helping people work through anxiety, procrastination, perfectionism, ADHD-related challenges, and motivation blocks. We use proven therapies like CBT, DBT, and ACT to help you understand your patterns, build new ones, and make real progress. We offer: In-person therapy in NYC Virtual sessions across New York, Virginia, and all PsyPact states Book a free 15-minute consultation Let’s work together to help you get unstuck—and stay unstuck.

Adolescence is a period of tremendous growth—but it can also be emotionally challenging. Teenagers are navigating identity, academic expectations, peer relationships, and a growing need for independence, all while their brains and bodies are still developing. With so much change happening at once, it’s natural for teens to experience emotional highs and lows. As a parent, it’s not always easy to know when your teen’s behavior is typical or when it might be time to seek additional support. At Upper East Side Psychology, we specialize in helping teens build emotional resilience, strengthen self-esteem, and develop healthy coping skills. In this blog, we’ll explore the mental health challenges teens face, signs they may benefit from therapy, and how parents can be part of the solution. Why Emotional Health Matters in Adolescence Mental health conditions often begin during the teen years. According to the World Health Organization, half of all mental health disorders begin by age 14—but many go unnoticed and untreated. Emotional struggles in teens may show up as: Irritability or anger Withdrawing from friends or family Changes in sleep or eating patterns Trouble at school or with academics Engaging in risky behavior Frequent physical complaints (e.g., stomachaches) These behaviors can be a sign that your teen is having difficulty managing emotions—not simply “acting out.” Common Mental Health Concerns for Teens Some of the most common mental health issues adolescents face include: Anxiety disorders Depression and mood disorders Eating disorders and body image concerns Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) ADHD and executive functioning challenges Self-harm or suicidal ideation Emotional dysregulation Identity development, including gender or sexuality exploration The impact of peer pressure and social media These challenges are real and can be overwhelming without the right support. When to Consider Therapy for Your Teen Signs your teen may benefit from therapy include: Emotional distress lasting more than two weeks Withdrawal from friends, family, or usual activities Trouble focusing or dropping grades Expressing hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm Excessive perfectionism or anxiety Persistent conflict at home You're feeling overwhelmed as a parent and unsure how to help Therapy doesn’t have to be a last resort. It can also be a proactive tool that helps teens develop lifelong emotional skills.   What Happens in Teen Therapy? At Upper East Side Psychology, therapy for teens is a safe, confidential space where they can explore what’s going on without fear of judgment. Depending on the teen’s needs, therapy may include: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)  for anxiety, depression, or stress Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)  for emotion regulation and interpersonal skills Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)  for OCD and phobias Involvement from parents when appropriate We tailor each therapy plan to the individual teen, offering a collaborative approach that supports growth and communication both in and outside of the therapy room.   How Parents Can Support Their Teen’s Mental Health Your role matters. Some simple but powerful ways to help include: Normalize therapy:  Explain that therapy is a tool—not a punishment. Validate emotions:  Rather than minimizing, try listening and acknowledging their feelings. Promote balance:  Help your teen set realistic goals and manage stress. Encourage screen-time boundaries:  Have open conversations about social media and online pressures. Stay connected:  Even brief daily check-ins can create trust and emotional safety. Why Therapy Works Therapy gives teens: Tools to manage anxiety and emotional overwhelm A place to build confidence and communication skills Support navigating school, social stress, and identity questions A nonjudgmental environment where they feel truly heard Ready to Support Your Teen? If your teen is struggling, you’re not alone—and neither are they. At Upper East Side Psychology, we offer compassionate, evidence-based therapy for adolescents both in person in NYC and virtually across New York, Virginia, and PsyPact states. Book a free 15-minute consultation  today and let’s talk about how we can help your teen thrive.

If you've been feeling unmotivated, emotionally flat, or stuck in a fog of fatigue, you're not alone—and you're certainly not lazy. At Upper East Side Psychology , we meet many individuals who seem to have it all together on the outside, but are quietly running on empty. Burnout doesn’t discriminate—it affects professionals, students, parents, and caregivers alike. This post explores what burnout really is, how it differs from laziness, and how you can begin to heal. What Is Burnout? Burnout is more than just stress. It’s a state of chronic emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that comes from sustained pressure—especially when you're constantly giving more than you're getting back. It’s common among people who are highly motivated, responsible, and committed—who’ve kept going long after their internal reserves have run dry. The World Health Organization  defines burnout by three key symptoms: Emotional exhaustion Cynicism or detachment A sense of reduced accomplishment Burnout doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’ve been strong for too long, often without adequate support or rest. Burnout vs. Laziness: There’s a Big Difference Many people assume burnout is laziness. In reality, the two are very different. Laziness is marked by apathy and disinterest. Burnout, on the other hand, often occurs in people who care deeply—but are overwhelmed. Laziness Burnout Disinterest in effort Avoidance due to exhaustion Indifference Frustration or guilt Low investment in outcomes High expectations, low energy Doesn't want to do more Desires productivity, but can’t engage If you relate more to burnout than apathy, there’s likely something deeper going on—and it’s worth addressing with care. Common Signs and Symptoms of Burnout Burnout shows up differently for everyone, but common symptoms include: Persistent fatigue, even after sleeping Feeling detached or emotionally numb Losing motivation or passion Difficulty concentrating or making decisions Increased irritability or anxiety Neglecting personal needs or self-care Self-critical thoughts like “I’m failing” or “Why can’t I keep up?” You may also experience physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, or disrupted sleep. Burnout impacts both body and mind.   What Causes Burnout? Burnout usually doesn’t result from one tough day—it builds over time from chronic imbalance. Contributing factors often include: Lack of clear boundaries between work and personal life Perfectionism or fear of failure Caregiving responsibilities without sufficient support A strong identification with productivity or external achievement Feeling unseen, unappreciated, or emotionally drained Constant comparison through social media or self-monitoring In our therapy sessions, we often see people who are so outwardly capable that no one realizes they're struggling—until the crash comes.   How to Recover from Burnout (and Keep It from Coming Back) 1. Rebuild Boundaries That Protect You Start by examining where your energy is going and where it’s being depleted. Setting clear boundaries at work and home can be a powerful first step toward recovery. Boundaries aren't selfish—they’re necessary. Ask yourself: Where am I stretching too thin? What commitments drain me most? How can I start saying no, without guilt? 2. Learn to Rest Without Earning It You don’t need to prove your worth to rest. Your value is not defined by your productivity. Try short, restorative pauses throughout your day—quiet moments, movement, or time away from screens. Challenge internal beliefs like: “I can rest when everything’s done.” “If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.” Therapy can help reframe these perfectionistic thoughts. 3. Find What Truly Recharges You Not all self-care is equal. Choose activities that restore you—not just distract you. For some people, it’s taking a walk, journaling, having a heartfelt conversation, or spending time in nature. What gives you energy rather than drains it? 4. Redefine Productivity Through a Values-Based Lens Ask yourself not just “Did I accomplish enough today?” but: “Did I honor what matters most to me?” “Did I treat myself with kindness and respect?” Living from your values helps you feel grounded, even during low-energy times. 5. Consider Professional Support Burnout can be isolating and overwhelming. But you don’t have to go through it alone. At Upper East Side Psychology , we help clients: Understand the root causes of burnout Develop coping tools that are actually sustainable Rebuild self-worth beyond what they produce Set goals that reflect purpose—not pressure You’re Not Lazy—You’re Exhausted, and You Deserve to Feel Better Burnout doesn’t heal by powering through—it heals with permission to pause. You deserve time, space, and support to recover. Whether you’re trying to reclaim your motivation or reconnect with yourself, change is possible. If You’re Feeling Burned Out, Support Is Available Burnout isn’t a flaw—it’s a signal that something needs attention. At Upper East Side Psychology , we specialize in working with professionals, caregivers, and high-achievers to restore energy, reduce anxiety, and build healthier, more sustainable lives. We offer in-person therapy in NYC  and virtual therapy across New York, Virginia, and PsyPact states . Book a Free 15-Minute Consultation Let’s help you find your way back to clarity, balance, and peace.

Relationships can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences—offering joy, intimacy, and emotional connection. But for many people, they can also stir up intense anxiety, fear of rejection, or chronic self-doubt. If you frequently find yourself second-guessing your partner’s feelings, overanalyzing their texts, or feeling insecure even in stable relationships, you may be experiencing relationship anxiety. At Upper East Side Psychology, we work closely with individuals to understand and heal the deeper emotional patterns that drive anxiety in relationships. This post explores what relationship anxiety looks like, why it happens, and most importantly—what you can do to change the pattern. What Is Relationship Anxiety? Relationship anxiety refers to ongoing worry, self-doubt, or insecurity that interferes with your ability to feel safe and connected in a romantic relationship. While some uncertainty is normal—especially in the early stages—persistent anxiety that leaves you feeling unbalanced or leads to self-sabotaging behavior is worth addressing. You might find yourself asking: What if they don’t really love me? Am I too much? Or not enough? Why didn’t they respond right away—are they upset? What if I ruin this and they leave? These thoughts often trigger emotional responses like withdrawal, clinging, or over-checking—behaviors that can unknowingly create distance in your relationship, even when you're craving closeness. Signs You May Be Sabotaging a Relationship Due to Anxiety Although relationship anxiety begins internally, it can quickly shape your outward behavior. Here are some common signs that anxiety might be getting in the way of connection: Overthinking and Rumination Replaying conversations, dissecting word choices, or scanning messages for signs of rejection. Seeking Constant Reassurance Needing frequent validation from your partner, even when the relationship seems secure. Avoiding Vulnerability Holding back emotions or needs out of fear that you’ll be judged, hurt, or seen as “too much.” Pulling Away to Protect Yourself Ending things early, picking fights, or shutting down emotionally in an effort to protect against future pain. Assuming the Worst Imagining betrayal, abandonment, or relationship failure—even when there’s little evidence to support those fears. It’s important to recognize: these behaviors don’t mean you're broken or “too needy.” More often, they reflect earlier wounds—unresolved emotional pain or insecure attachment patterns that are showing up in current relationships. Why Relationship Anxiety Happens The roots of relationship anxiety often lie in early life experiences. If you grew up with inconsistent caregivers, experienced emotional neglect, or had a history of being hurt in past relationships, your nervous system may remain on high alert—searching for signs of danger, even in safe connections. Common contributing factors include: Low self-worth or feeling unworthy of love Witnessing unhealthy relationship dynamics as a child Previous betrayal or abandonment Perfectionism or an underlying anxiety disorder Even in a relationship with a supportive partner, these patterns can cause your brain to interpret neutral situations as threats—and lead to behaviors that undermine the very connection you long for.   How to Stop Relationship Anxiety from Getting in the Way If you’re noticing these patterns, that’s a powerful first step. Healing is possible, and there are concrete tools you can begin using to create healthier relationships. 1. Name the Pattern with Compassion Rather than blaming yourself, acknowledge what’s happening: “This is relationship anxiety. It’s making me feel unsafe, even though I’m okay.” Naming it can interrupt the spiral and create space for growth. 2. Reality-Check Your Thoughts Ask yourself: What’s the evidence for this fear? What’s the evidence against it? This kind of mindful questioning can help you stay grounded in the facts rather than spiraling into imagined outcomes. 3. Understand Your Attachment Style Your reactions in relationships are often rooted in your attachment style. Whether you lean anxious, avoidant, or somewhere in between, learning about your style can help you develop new tools to relate more securely. 4. Shift Toward Values, Not Validation Focus on the kind of partner you want to be—honest, kind, authentic—rather than trying to win someone’s love or approval. Living from your values helps you build relationships based on mutual respect, not fear. 5. Communicate Calmly and Clearly You’re allowed to need reassurance—but how you express that need matters. Instead of over-explaining, try something like, “I’ve been feeling a bit anxious today. Can we check in?” This invites connection without overwhelming your partner. 6. Get Support from a Therapist Relationship anxiety is not a character flaw—it’s often a protective response to earlier pain. Working with a therapist can help you heal those past wounds, build self-trust, and feel more confident in love.   You Deserve a Relationship That Feels Safe You don’t have to keep cycling through anxiety, overthinking, or fear of abandonment. With the right support, it’s possible to shift your patterns, feel more secure, and show up more fully in your relationships. At Upper East Side Psychology, we specialize in helping individuals understand their relationship patterns, heal emotional wounds, and move toward deeper, more secure connections. Whether you’re struggling with new relationship anxiety or longstanding patterns, you don’t have to face it alone. Ready to break free from relationship anxiety? Our licensed therapists offer both in-person sessions in NYC and virtual therapy across New York, Virginia, and all PsyPact states. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation today—we're here to help you feel more connected, calm, and confident in your relationships.

In today’s hyperconnected world, social media is hard to avoid. It keeps us connected, informed, and entertained—but it can also quietly chip away at our mental health. Many people notice that after just a few minutes of scrolling, they feel more anxious, less confident, or like they’re not measuring up. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. At Upper East Side Psychology, we frequently hear from individuals struggling with the emotional toll of social media. It’s not just about screen time—it’s about how these platforms shape the way we see ourselves. Let’s break down what’s really going on, and what steps you can take to protect your well-being. The Problem: Constant Comparison and Highlight Reels Social media rarely shows real life—it shows carefully curated snapshots: vacations, celebrations, filtered selfies, career wins. While these moments may seem harmless, they often become a breeding ground for comparison. Our brains are wired to evaluate where we stand in relation to others. Over time, these comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, and the sense that we’re falling behind. You might catch yourself thinking: “Why is everyone else doing so well?” “Why don’t I look like that?” “They make it look so easy—what’s wrong with me?” These thoughts reflect a distorted self-image and activate what psychologists call the “not good enough” core belief —a deep sense of inadequacy that can fuel anxiety, depression, and even disordered eating. The Research: How You Use Social Media Matters It’s not just about how much time you spend online—how you use social media plays a significant role in your mental health. Passive use  (scrolling without interacting) has been linked to higher levels of comparison, envy, and negative mood. Active or intentional use  (commenting, engaging with meaningful content, or having discussions) can increase feelings of connection and community. Another factor is approval-seeking behavior —frequently checking likes, followers, or comments. This can lead to a dependency on external validation and a dip in self-esteem. The takeaway?  It’s not necessarily the time spent—it’s the intention behind your social media use that makes a difference.   What You Can Do: Focus on Meaning, Not Metrics Here are a few therapist-approved strategies to help shift your social media experience in a healthier direction: 1. Identify Your Core Values When you notice yourself chasing approval or feeling “less than,” it can help to turn inward. Ask yourself: What truly matters to me? What kind of person do I want to be? How do I want to show up in the world? Your answers point to your core values —principles like authenticity, curiosity, compassion, or connection. Reconnecting with these values can ground your self-worth in something deeper than likes or followers. 2. Look for Alignment Once you've clarified your values, reflect on whether your habits and choices support them. If you value connection but spend most of your free time comparing yourself to influencers, that might be out of alignment. Ask yourself: Are my social media habits helping me live according to my values? Am I spending my time and energy on what really matters? Where you notice a disconnect, consider it an opportunity to make gentle, intentional changes—not a failure. 3. Try Small, Meaningful Experiments You don’t have to overhaul your digital life overnight. Start with small changes: Replace scrolling with a short walk, journaling session, or meaningful conversation. Share a post that reflects your real self—not a perfect version. Comment on a friend’s post to deepen connection rather than compare. These small actions can help retrain your brain to prioritize connection, creativity, and authenticity. 4. Curate Your Feed Mindfully Take a closer look at the content you’re consuming—and sharing. Are you following accounts that promote unrealistic beauty standards or perfectionism? That content may be shaping your self-perception more than you realize. Instead, seek out or share posts that promote: Mental health awareness Realistic body image and self-care Personal growth and resilience Honesty over perfection Your feed should nourish you—not leave you questioning your worth. 5. Shift from External Validation to Inner Fulfillment Ultimately, healing from the negative impact of social media means moving away from external validation and toward internal fulfillment. When your self-worth is rooted in your values and daily choices, it’s no longer dictated by follower counts or comparison. This shift builds confidence, resilience, and a deeper connection with your authentic self.   When to Seek Support If you’ve tried to make changes but find that social media still has a significant impact on your mood, self-image, or relationships, it might be time to seek professional support. At Upper East Side Psychology, our licensed therapists specialize in helping individuals navigate: Body image issues and appearance-related anxiety Social comparison and perfectionism Depression, low self-esteem, and identity concerns Social anxiety and approval-seeking behavior Together, we can help you identify what matters most and build a healthier relationship with both your digital and real-world experiences.   Let’s Talk You don’t have to navigate the emotional ups and downs of social media on your own. If you're struggling with comparison, anxiety, or low self-worth, reach out to our team at Upper East Side Psychology. We’re here to support you in reconnecting with what truly matters—both online and off. At Upper East Side Psychology, we specialize in working with all walks of life, including professionals, students, creatives, and athletes. We offer in-person sessions in Manhattan and virtual therapy across New York, Virginia, and other PsyPact states. Reach out today  to book a free 15-minute consultation and take the first step toward developing supportive, empowering self-talk.

In our fast-paced, high-performing culture, striving for excellence is often celebrated. But for many high achievers, that drive comes at a cost. Beneath the ambition, there’s often a quiet but persistent pressure to be perfect—an internal voice that insists anything less than flawless is failure. Over time, what began as motivation can evolve into a form of perfectionism that affects mental health, damages relationships, and chips away at a person’s sense of self. The Mental Load of High Achievers | Therapy for Perfectionism in NYCIf you’re someone who’s used to operating at a high level—whether in academics, the workplace, or your creative pursuits—but feel constantly exhausted, anxious, or like you’re never doing enough, you’re not alone. At Upper East Side Psychology, we frequently work with individuals who are outwardly successful yet inwardly overwhelmed by the mental toll of perfectionism. Let’s take a closer look at what perfectionism really is, why high achievers are particularly vulnerable to it, and how therapy can help you break free from the cycle. What Is Perfectionism? Perfectionism isn’t just about having high standards—it’s about holding yourself to unrealistic expectations and being harshly self-critical when those expectations aren’t met. Psychologically, perfectionism is defined as a pattern of setting excessively high goals for yourself, accompanied by a deep fear of failure and a belief that making mistakes equates to not being good enough. This mindset often includes rigid internal rules like: “If I don’t prepare obsessively, I’ll fall behind.” “If I’m not the best, I’m not valuable.” “Mistakes mean I’m a failure.” Over time, these thoughts become ingrained, creating constant pressure and chronic stress. Why High Achievers Are Prone to Perfectionism Many high achievers have a long history of excelling. They may have received early praise for performance, achieved success in demanding environments, or internalized high expectations from family, school, or society. While those experiences can build confidence, they can also create a fear of slipping up. Success becomes the baseline, and the bar keeps moving higher. Factors that can reinforce perfectionism in high performers include: Early validation based on achievement (grades, awards, accolades) High parental or cultural expectations Pressure-filled professions (law, medicine, finance, arts, academia) Fear of failure or being seen as inadequate Imposter syndrome—the belief that you’re not as competent as others think Perfectionism can start to feel like a survival strategy. But the truth is, it often drains the very energy, creativity, and connection that helped you succeed in the first place.   The Hidden Costs of Perfectionism Although perfectionism may seem like a motivational tool, its emotional and psychological costs are significant. Here are just a few ways it can affect your life: Chronic Anxiety and Overthinking Perfectionists often ruminate on past mistakes or anticipate future ones, leading to anxiety, panic, and constant mental exhaustion. Low Self-Esteem Even when they achieve success, perfectionists may feel it's never quite enough. Achievements provide only temporary relief before the next goal takes over. Procrastination and Avoidance The pressure to perform flawlessly can be paralyzing. Some people avoid tasks altogether out of fear they won’t meet impossible standards. Workaholism and Burnout Perfectionism can lead to overworking, difficulty setting boundaries, and an inability to rest—often ending in emotional, mental, or physical burnout. Strained Relationships High standards may spill over into personal relationships, making it hard to connect authentically or accept others’ imperfections—or your own.   Are You Living in Alignment—Or Just Trying to Prove Yourself? A powerful shift occurs when high achievers begin asking different questions. Instead of: “Am I doing enough?” “Am I measuring up?” Try asking: “Does this align with what matters most to me?” “Am I working in a way that feels sustainable?” “What would it look like to succeed on my own terms?” This shift—from proving your worth to living your values—can transform your relationship with achievement and restore a sense of peace and purpose.   How Therapy Can Help Break the Cycle At Upper East Side Psychology, we help high-functioning individuals understand the roots of their perfectionism and develop new ways of relating to themselves. Our approach is collaborative, practical, and tailored to your unique goals. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) We help you recognize perfectionistic thought patterns—like all-or-nothing thinking or catastrophic predictions—and replace them with more realistic, flexible perspectives. Clarifying Your Values Together, we explore what truly matters to you and align your goals and daily habits with those values. This helps shift the focus from external validation to internal fulfillment. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Learning to relate to yourself with kindness instead of criticism is one of the most powerful tools we offer. These practices build emotional resilience and reduce the stress of perfectionism. Behavioral Experiments We may work together to gently test new behaviors—like submitting a project at 95% instead of 110%—to see how it feels and what actually happens. Often, you’ll find that “good enough” is more than enough. You Can Thrive Without Burning Out Healing from perfectionism doesn’t mean losing your ambition—it means reclaiming your sense of balance, self-worth, and joy. You can still achieve great things, but from a place of clarity and confidence, rather than fear and pressure. If you’re noticing signs of perfectionism—persistent stress, difficulty resting, dissatisfaction despite success—it may be time to seek support. At Upper East Side Psychology, we specialize in working with high achievers from all walks of life, including professionals, students, creatives, and athletes. We offer in-person sessions in Manhattan and virtual therapy across New York, Virginia, and other PsyPact states. You don’t have to do it all perfectly. You just have to start.   Reach out today  to book a free 15-minute consultation and take the first step toward developing supportive, empowering self-talk.

We all talk to ourselves—sometimes aloud, often silently. But did you know that  how  you talk to yourself can directly impact your mood, motivation, and performance? Whether you're preparing for a big presentation, navigating a difficult conversation, or simply trying to get out of bed, practicing intentional self-talk can help you manage stress, stay focused, and achieve your goals. In fact, research shows that certain types of self-talk can  enhance emotional regulation ,  improve decision-making , and  increase persistence —making it one of the simplest yet most powerful tools in your mental health toolkit. What Is Self-Talk? Self-talk refers to the internal dialogue you have with yourself throughout the day. It can be conscious (“I can do this”) or subconscious (“I always mess things up”), supportive or self-critical. Over time, your inner dialogue becomes a mental soundtrack that shapes how you think, feel, and act. By learning to  guide your self-talk intentionally , you can improve both  mental performance  and  emotional well-being . Why Self-Talk Works Self-talk influences your behavior through what's known as  cognitive priming —it directs your attention, influences your emotions, and prepares you to take action. It’s also deeply connected to your brain’s  social and motivational centers , which is why the  tone  and  type  of self-talk matters. Whether you're trying to calm your nerves before a meeting or push through a workout, your inner voice is a  mental coach . And just like a good coach, it can either empower you—or hold you back.   Types of Self-Talk and How to Use Them Let’s break down four specific styles of self-talk that you can start using today to improve performance and mindset: 1. Informational Self-Talk “First I’ll make the list, then I’ll prioritize my tasks.” This type of self-talk is about giving yourself instructions. It’s practical, step-by-step guidance that can help when you’re feeling overwhelmed, distracted, or unsure of what to do next.   When to use it : During high-focus tasks like planning, learning something new, or organizing your day.   Benefit : Enhances executive functioning and reduces decision fatigue.   2. Motivational Self-Talk “You’ve got this.” “Keep going.” “Almost there.” Encouraging and uplifting, motivational self-talk fuels persistence and keeps your energy up—especially during challenging moments.   When to use it : While working toward a goal, facing resistance, or after a setback.   Benefit : Increases resilience, confidence, and stamina.   3. Interrogative Self-Talk “What really matters right now?” “What do I need in this moment?” Asking yourself questions might seem counterintuitive, but it actually helps your brain  clarify values ,  solve problems , and  make intentional choices . It triggers introspection and keeps you aligned with your goals.   When to use it : When you’re stuck, anxious, or caught in indecision.   Benefit : Boosts problem-solving and promotes value-based action.   4. The Social Brain Hack: Use Your Name “Sarah, you can do this.” “Chris, stay focused.” Using your own name in self-talk might feel silly at first, but studies show it makes your brain  process the message more like social encouragement . This taps into your brain’s “social circuitry,” making the message feel more external, objective, and believable—like a friend cheering you on.   When to use it : In high-stress moments like public speaking, interviews, or performance anxiety.   Benefit : Increases emotional regulation, motivation, and follow-through.   The Neuroscience Behind Self-Talk Research using fMRI shows that positive self-talk activates the  prefrontal cortex  (responsible for planning and judgment) and downregulates activity in the  amygdala  (the brain’s fear center). This means that intentional self-talk doesn’t just make you  feel  better—it helps your brain function more effectively under pressure. Additionally, athletes and performers have long used self-talk as a  mental training strategy —and for good reason. Studies have shown improvements in accuracy, endurance, and stress response when people practice guided internal dialogue.   How to Start Using Self-Talk Today If you’ve never paid attention to how you speak to yourself, start by simply noticing. Is your self-talk mostly encouraging or critical? Then, begin experimenting with the four types above. Try this exercise: Identify a challenging task or situation coming up this week. Write one sentence of each type of self-talk to use in that moment. Practice it out loud or silently before the event—and reflect afterward on how it felt.   Ready to Strengthen Your Self-Talk? Improving your inner dialogue can help you shift how you show up—in work, relationships, and your own self-confidence. At  Upper East Side Psychology , we help clients build stronger, more compassionate relationships with themselves through  evidence-based therapy and performance-enhancing interventions . If you’re ready to challenge unhelpful beliefs, reduce self-criticism, and start coaching yourself toward the life you want, we’re here to help.   Reach out today  to book a free 15-minute consultation and take the first step toward developing supportive, empowering self-talk.

Getting a good night’s sleep isn’t as simple as just lying down and hoping for the best. Behind restorative sleep lies a science, a series of habits, and a framework called sleep hygiene. At Upper East Side Psychology, we often find that many of our clients battling anxiety, depression, or burnout are also struggling with poor sleep—a crucial piece of the puzzle. Let’s dive into sleep hygiene, why it matters, what might be getting in the way, and how you can create healthier bedtime habits to boost both your mental and physical well-being. What Is Sleep Hygiene? Sleep hygiene refers to the habits, routines, and environmental factors that help promote consistent, uninterrupted, high-quality sleep. Think of it as the "cleanliness" your mind and body need to fully rest and recharge. It’s not just about going to bed early—it’s about how you prepare for sleep, what you do in the hour before you close your eyes, and how your body interprets those wind-down signals. Why Sleep Hygiene Matters Sleep is crucial for brain function, emotional regulation, memory, decision-making, and physical health. Chronic poor sleep or insomnia can: Increase anxiety and depression Weaken your immune system Reduce concentration and productivity Heighten emotional reactivity and irritability Disturb appetite regulation and weight management Even just one night of bad sleep can affect your mood and cognitive performance. Over time, sleep deprivation can diminish your resilience and make it harder to cope with daily stressors. What Interferes with Good Sleep? Sleep problems are rarely isolated. At our practice, we help clients uncover the root causes of their sleep disruptions, including: Irregular Sleep Schedules Inconsistent bedtimes and wake-up times confuse your internal clock (circadian rhythm), making it harder to sleep naturally. Screen Time Before Bed The blue light from phones, tablets, and TVs can suppress melatonin, the hormone that regulates sleep, while scrolling or working keeps your brain alert when it should be winding down. Caffeine or Alcohol Caffeine stays in your system for hours and can make it hard to fall asleep, while alcohol might make you drowsy but disrupts REM sleep, leading to frequent wake-ups. Stress and Racing Thoughts Anxious thoughts, worries, or rumination prevent the mind from settling down for sleep—especially common for those with anxiety, depression, or trauma histories. Uncomfortable Sleep Environments Noisy, bright, or overly hot rooms can make falling asleep tough, as can a mattress or pillow that doesn’t support your body. How to Improve Your Sleep Hygiene: Practical Tips The good news is, better sleep is often just a few simple changes away. Here are some evidence-based tips that we frequently share with our clients: Stick to a Consistent Sleep Schedule Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day—even on weekends. This trains your body’s internal clock and makes falling asleep easier over time. Create a Wind-Down Routine Give your brain the signal that it’s time to relax. Light stretching, reading (not on a screen), dimming the lights, or taking a warm shower can all help. Limit Screen Time Before Bed Turn off electronics at least 60 minutes before sleep. If you must use your devices, switch on blue light filters or night mode. Optimize Your Sleep Environment Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. Use blackout curtains, white noise machines, or a sleep mask if needed, and make your bed a place your brain associates with relaxation—not work or scrolling. Watch What You Eat and Drink Avoid caffeine after 2 p.m., and limit alcohol, especially in the evening. Try to finish meals at least two hours before bed. Get Sunlight Exposure Early in the Day Natural light in the morning helps regulate your sleep-wake cycle and boosts mood. Aim for 10-30 minutes of outdoor time in the morning. Don’t Stay in Bed Awake If you can’t fall asleep within 20 minutes, get up and do something calming in low light until you feel sleepy again. Lying in bed awake can cause mental associations between your bed and restlessness. Sleep and Mental Health: A Two-Way Street Sleep and mental health are closely intertwined. Poor sleep can exacerbate symptoms of depression, anxiety, and ADHD, while these conditions can make it harder to sleep. That’s why we often incorporate CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia) into treatment plans. CBT-I targets the thoughts and behaviors that interfere with sleep and helps clients rebuild healthy, restorative sleep patterns. When to Seek Help If sleep problems persist for weeks and are affecting your mood, relationships, or functioning, it may be time to reach out. Sleep disturbances are often treatable with professional support—especially when they’re linked to broader mental health concerns. At Upper East Side Psychology , our therapists specialize in treating insomnia, anxiety, burnout, and emotional dysregulation—all of which can interfere with sleep. We take a holistic, personalized approach to help you restore balance and feel like yourself again. Ready to Sleep Better? You deserve restful, rejuvenating sleep. If you’re ready to improve your sleep hygiene and address the underlying causes of your sleep struggles, we’re here to help. Book a free 15-minute consultation  with one of our compassionate therapists at Upper East Side Psychology today.

Understanding the Power of Core Beliefs We’ve all had those moments—when something goes wrong, and that old, familiar voice inside whispers, “See? You’re not good enough.” It’s a painful thought. But for many of us, it’s also a deeply ingrained belief that tends to rise up during hard times. At Upper East Side Psychology , we work with clients every day to uncover these quiet inner narratives—called core beliefs —and help rewrite them with care, clarity, and compassion. What Are Core Beliefs, Really? Think of core beliefs as the emotional and mental lens through which we view ourselves, others, and the world. Most of the time, we don’t even realize they’re there. But they’re powerful—shaping the way we think, feel, and interact with others. These beliefs often take root early in life. For example, if a child’s emotional needs weren’t met consistently, they might start to believe things like: “I’m not lovable.” “I always mess up.” “The world isn’t safe.” “People can’t be trusted.” It’s common to hold both positive  and negative beliefs about ourselves. Someone might believe, “I’m capable,”  but also wrestle with, “I’m never enough.”  The balance between these beliefs can shift throughout life, especially when we’re under stress or facing unresolved wounds from the past. The Weight of “I’m Not Good Enough” One of the most common core beliefs we hear in therapy is, “I’m not good enough.”  And it doesn’t just whisper—it echoes. It shows up in so many ways, like: Comparing yourself to others and always falling short Feeling like a fraud, no matter how much you achieve Avoiding new challenges because you’re scared to fail People-pleasing, perfectionism, or never letting yourself rest What makes this belief especially tricky is how it interprets everything  through the lens of inadequacy. A slow reply to a text? A mistake at work? Not getting picked for something? It all feels like confirmation—even when it’s not. Where Does This Come From? Many of our core beliefs are formed as early as age six, when we’re just starting to build our sense of identity. If love felt conditional, if mistakes were met with criticism, or if we felt unseen or unimportant, our young brains tried to make sense of that pain. And unfortunately, the conclusions often weren’t kind: “I have to earn love by performing.” “Nothing I do is ever good enough.” “I don’t matter.” These messages might have made sense at the time, but they often linger into adulthood—quietly driving how we see ourselves and how we navigate the world. When the Inner Critic Takes Over Even with years of growth, healing, or success, that old belief can still show up—especially in moments of vulnerability. The more it dominates our inner world, the harder it is to feel hopeful or whole. You might find yourself thinking: “Why bother? I’ll never measure up.” “I always mess things up.” “If I’m not useful, people won’t want me.” This internal dialogue doesn’t just hurt—it shapes our lives.  It can drain motivation, damage relationships, and make it difficult to connect with joy or purpose. Healing Through Inner Child Work One of the most powerful tools we use in therapy is inner child work —a process of reconnecting with the younger part of you that first learned to believe you weren’t enough. We’ll often ask: When did you first start to feel that way? What messages did you hear growing up—directly or indirectly? What would your younger self need to hear now? Instead of avoiding the pain, we teach clients how to gently be with it.  To listen to their inner child with compassion. To show up for themselves in ways that maybe no one did back then. Healing happens not by pretending the pain isn’t there—but by finally meeting it with love and truth. How CBT Helps You Reframe Your Beliefs Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)  is another approach we use to help clients shift their internal dialogue. It provides simple but effective tools like: Thought records  to identify and challenge automatic thoughts Fact checking  to separate fear from reality Behavioral experiments  to test beliefs in real life (like saying no, applying for a job, or taking a risk) Socratic questioning  to dig deeper: Is this belief helping me? Is it even true? Over time, clients learn to replace harsh self-judgments with more compassionate truths: “I’m human, and I’m learning.” “I’m allowed to make mistakes.” “My worth isn’t based on productivity.” Rewriting Your Inner Dialogue We also encourage using interrogative and motivational self-talk —ways to tap into a more supportive, curious voice. Questions like: “What would I tell a friend in this moment?” “What do I need right now?” “What do I value most here?” These simple shifts can soften the critical voice and reawaken the part of you that knows you’re resilient, worthy, and capable of change. You Are Not Your Core Belief This part is important: You are not your thoughts. You are not the six-year-old version of yourself trying to make sense of pain. Core beliefs may feel like facts, but they are just stories—ones you can rewrite. At Upper East Side Psychology, we work side-by-side with you to explore the beliefs shaping your life, understand where they came from, and create space for something new. Something true. Ready to Reconnect With Your Worth? If “I’m not good enough” has been holding you back, you don’t have to carry that alone. Therapy can help you reclaim your voice, your value, and your inner strength. Book a free 15-minute consultation  today and take the first step toward healing and wholeness.

What is Emotional Dysregulation? Emotions influence how we think, behave, and interact with others. When emotions become overwhelming or difficult to manage, they can interfere with daily functioning, a pattern known as emotional dysregulation. This condition involves difficulty controlling emotional responses, leading to intense mood swings, impulsive behaviors, and prolonged distress. Emotional dysregulation can affect individuals of all ages and is often linked to underlying mental health conditions, past trauma, or environmental stressors. However, with the right strategies and support, emotional regulation skills can be developed and improved over time. Signs of Emotional Dysregulation Recognizing the signs of emotional dysregulation is an important step toward addressing it effectively. Common indicators include: Intense mood swings  – Rapid shifts between emotional highs and lows. Impulsive behaviors  – Acting on emotions without considering consequences, such as reckless spending or emotional outbursts. Difficulty calming down  – Struggling to self-soothe after experiencing distress. Persistent feelings of sadness or anger  – Emotions that seem disproportionate to the situation. Relationship difficulties  – Frequent conflicts, fear of abandonment, or trouble expressing emotions in a healthy way. Avoidance of emotional triggers  – Avoiding situations that may provoke strong emotions. If these symptoms persist and interfere with daily life, professional guidance can help in developing healthier coping strategies. Causes of Emotional Regulation Emotional dysregulation arises from a combination of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. Common contributors include: 1. Early Childhood Experiences & Trauma Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), such as neglect, abuse, or exposure to violence, can disrupt emotional development and make it harder to regulate emotions later in life. 2. Mental Health Conditions Difficulties with emotional regulation are often associated with conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Anxiety Disorders, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Depression, and Bipolar Disorder. 3. Neurological Factors Brain structures involved in emotional processing, such as the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, play a role in regulation. Variations in brain function can contribute to difficulties in controlling emotional responses. 4. Chronic Stress & Environmental Factors Long-term stress, lack of social support, and high-pressure environments can make emotional regulation more challenging. Strategies for Managing Emotional Dysregulation Developing emotional regulation skills takes time and practice. The following evidence-based strategies can help: 1. Mindfulness & Emotional Awareness Practicing mindfulness fosters awareness of emotions without immediate reaction. Techniques such as deep breathing, guided meditation, and body scanning can improve emotional control. 2. Cognitive Reappraisal & Thought Restructuring Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques help individuals recognize and challenge unhelpful thought patterns that contribute to emotional dysregulation. Reframing negative thoughts can lead to more balanced emotional responses. 3. Developing Healthy Coping Skills Instead of reacting impulsively, self-soothing techniques such as journaling, engaging in physical activity, or practicing grounding exercises (e.g., the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory method) can be effective alternatives. 4. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Techniques Originally developed for BPD, DBT includes skills that support emotional regulation: Distress Tolerance  – Learning to manage difficult emotions without impulsive reactions. Interpersonal Effectiveness  – Improving communication and setting boundaries. Emotion Regulation  – Identifying triggers and implementing strategies to prevent emotional escalation. 5. Building a Support System A strong support network of friends, family, or mental health professionals can provide stability and reassurance during emotionally challenging times. When to Seek Professional Help While self-help strategies can be beneficial, additional support may be necessary for some individuals. Therapy approaches such as CBT, DBT, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can provide structured interventions for developing emotional regulation skills. If emotional dysregulation significantly impacts daily life, relationships, or work, consulting a mental health professional is recommended. Final Thoughts Emotional dysregulation can be difficult to navigate, but with the right tools and support, it is possible to improve emotional stability. Developing emotional awareness, practicing mindfulness, and seeking therapy can contribute to better regulation and overall well-being. If you or someone you know is struggling with emotional dysregulation, professional support is available, and progress is achievable. Support at Upper East Side Psychology For those seeking guidance, Upper East Side Psychology provides evidence-based therapy to help individuals build resilience and emotional balance. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward emotional well-being.

Understanding the Connection Between Emotional Dysregulation and Anxiety Emotional dysregulation and anxiety often go hand in hand, making it difficult to manage stress, cope with uncertainty, and maintain a sense of calm. Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulty controlling emotional responses, leading to heightened reactivity, mood instability, and overwhelming feelings. When combined with anxiety, these symptoms can feel even more intense, often resulting in avoidance behaviors, panic attacks, and persistent worry. Many individuals who experience generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), panic disorder, social anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) also struggle with emotional regulation. Understanding this connection and learning strategies to manage it can help improve emotional well-being. How Emotional Dysregulation Fuels Anxiety The relationship between emotional dysregulation and anxiety is complex, but some common patterns include: Heightened Sensitivity to Stress: Situations may feel more stressful than they actually are, leading to excessive worry and overthinking. Intense Emotional Responses: Anxiety can amplify emotional reactions, making them harder to manage and leading to cycles of distress. Avoidance Behaviors: Fear of emotional overwhelm can cause avoidance of certain situations, reinforcing anxious thoughts and fears. Negative Thought Patterns: It can be easy to get stuck in loops of worry and fear, increasing overall anxiety levels. Difficulty Recovering from Stressful Events: A minor stressor may trigger prolonged distress, making it harder to regain emotional balance. Practical Strategies to Improve Emotional Regulation and Reduce Anxiety The good news is that emotional regulation skills can be learned and strengthened over time. Here are some effective techniques: 1. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques Practicing mindfulness can help create space between emotions and reactions. Techniques such as: Deep breathing exercises (e.g., box breathing, diaphragmatic breathing) Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) Grounding exercises (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1 sensory method) These approaches help anchor individuals in the present moment and reduce anxiety-driven emotional dysregulation. 2. Cognitive Restructuring and Thought Challenging Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques, such as thought challenging and cognitive reframing, help identify irrational or exaggerated worries and replace them with more balanced perspectives. Recognizing cognitive distortions can reduce anxiety’s hold over emotions. 3. Emotional Labeling and Journaling Writing down thoughts and emotions can provide clarity and reduce emotional intensity. Journaling helps to: Identify emotional triggers Recognize patterns of anxiety and dysregulation Develop healthier ways to express emotions 4. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills DBT includes distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness techniques. Strategies such as: Self-soothing activities (e.g., listening to music, taking a warm bath) Radical acceptance (acknowledging emotions without judgment) Wise mind decision-making (balancing logic and emotions) can improve emotional resilience. 5. Building a Healthy Lifestyle Lifestyle factors play a significant role in emotional regulation and anxiety management. Consider implementing: Regular exercise to release pent-up stress A well-balanced diet to support brain function Adequate sleep to improve emotional resilience Consistent routines to foster a sense of stability When to Seek Professional Help While self-help strategies are effective, some individuals may need additional support. If emotional dysregulation and anxiety significantly impact daily life, therapy can provide guidance. Treatment options include: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps manage anxious thoughts and behaviors. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Teaches emotional regulation and distress tolerance skills. Exposure Therapy: Reduces avoidance behaviors related to anxiety. Mindfulness-Based Therapy: Helps manage emotional reactivity by staying present. Final Thoughts Emotional dysregulation and anxiety can create a challenging cycle, but with the right tools and support, individuals can learn to manage both effectively. By practicing mindfulness, developing cognitive coping strategies, and seeking professional guidance when needed, it’s possible to build resilience and regain control over emotions. Get Support at Upper East Side Psychology If you are struggling with anxiety and emotional dysregulation, Upper East Side Psychology offers evidence-based therapy to help you build skills for emotional resilience and balance. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward feeling more in control of your emotions and well-being.

How Embracing the Right Kind of Self-Talk Can Help You Succeed We all have an inner voice that shapes how we think, feel, and act. But did you know how you talk to yourself can significantly impact your performance, motivation, and mental well-being? Whether you're preparing for a big presentation, training for a race, or trying to stay focused on long-term goals, embracing intentional, empowering self-talk can make all the difference. At  Upper East Side Psychology , we integrate techniques from Performance Psychology to help clients enhance focus, build motivation, and achieve meaningful success—and self-talk is one of the most powerful tools we teach. Why Self-Talk Matters for Performance Self-talk is the internal dialogue you have throughout the day. It's the way you explain things to yourself, remind yourself of goals, and coach yourself through challenges. Research shows that when done intentionally, self-talk can: Improve motivation and goal persistence Enhance decision-making under pressure Support emotion regulation Strengthen confidence and self-efficacy Help you follow through on intentions and values But how you phrase your self-talk matters. Why Referring to Yourself by Name Works Better Than “I” One evidence-based technique for enhancing your self-talk is using your name or the second-person “you” instead of saying “I.” This approach, known as  distanced self-talk , it creates a sense of psychological space and helps you become more objective, calm, and compassionate with yourself.  For example: Instead of saying, “I can do this,” try: “ Sarah , you’ve got this.” Instead of, “I’m so overwhelmed,” try: “ You  can take this one step at a time.” Using your own name mirrors how others would encourage you,  triggering the brain's social and relational systems . This shift can boost mood, increase motivation, and help you follow through on goals—especially under pressure or stress. A 2014 study by Kross et al. found that using your name in self-talk helps regulate emotions and improve performance in high-stress situations by promoting self-distancing and enhancing problem-solving under pressure (Kross et al., 2014). The 3 Types of Performance-Enhancing Self-Talk Not all self-talk is the same. Understanding the  types  of self-talk can help you use the right strategy for the moment. 1. Informational Self-Talk –  Guide Your Actions This type of self-talk involves giving yourself instructions or reminders. It helps you stay on track and focus on the steps required to complete a task. Examples: “Keep your posture upright.” “Review the outline before you start.” “Take three deep breaths before you speak.” Useful for:  learning new skills, improving focus, maintaining routines 2. Motivational Self-Talk –  Encourage Yourself Motivational self-talk includes phrases that build confidence and push you forward. It’s like having your own personal cheerleader. Examples: “You’ve done this before. You can do it again.” “One step at a time, you’re making progress.” “Keep going—you’re closer than you think.” Useful for:  boosting mood, increasing resilience, overcoming self-doubt 3. Interrogative Self-Talk –  Ask Yourself Questions Instead of commands or affirmations, this type of self-talk involves asking yourself reflective, open-ended questions. This strategy helps you engage your values and make intentional choices. Examples: “Why is this important to me?” “What would be the most helpful step right now?” “How do I want to show up in this moment?” A study published in the  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology  found that interrogative self-talk (e.g., “Will I?”) leads to greater goal-directed behavior than declarative statements (e.g., “I will”) because it activates intrinsic motivation (Senay et al., 2010). Useful for:  value-aligned decisions, long-term goals, building autonomy How to Start Practicing Positive Self-Talk Today Here are a few tips to begin integrating effective self-talk into your daily life: -Write down common phrases you use—and reframe them positively. -Practice saying your name or “you” in encouraging statements. -Choose a specific type of self-talk based on your goal or situation. -Use self-talk to prepare for high-stakes events or difficult conversations. -Work with a therapist to aid you in improving your self-talk and enhancing your performance Let Us Help You Build the Tools for Success At  Upper East Side Psychology , our therapists specialize in  performance psychology  and  evidence-based techniques  to support you in reaching your personal and professional goals. Whether you're a student, athlete, creative, executive, or simply striving to improve your focus and motivation, we’re here to support your growth. Want to explore how self-talk and other techniques can help you thrive? Schedule a free consultation  and take the first step toward unlocking your potential. References: Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., ... & Ayduk, Ö. (2014).  Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters . Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304–324.  https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035173 Senay, I., Albarracín, D., & Noguchi, K. (2010).  Motivating goal-directed behavior through introspective self-talk: The role of the interrogative form of simple future tense . Psychological Science, 21(4), 499–504.  https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797610364751